We have an astonishing piece of news: in our constant battle for dominance, the humans may finally have scored a point. It’s mostly due to Inkie, our incredibly greedy tuxie boy.
Inkie won’t touch food for humans, not even roast chicken, but he lives for his tuna.
As our tuxie now weighs 6.5kg, we try to stop him from overeating. This is hard as Inkie is extremely shrewd.
Readers may remember the first time we put Inkie on a diet. We doled out tuna sparingly, and wondered why our tuxie was growing fatter by the day.
We discovered by sheer accident that Inkie had dragged a bag of cat biscuits behind the pantry door and was quietly helping himself.
Now he’s much older, Inkie is more cunning than ever. He is determined to eat tuna three times a day, and more if he can. As he has paws and needs our thumbs, it’s a full-on battle of wits.
The most recent salvo began with a seemingly simple request.
When we moved, Inkie claimed the kitchen window as his favourite space. It looks out over the tree that’s loaded with birds and the dog walker’s path.
As we prepped the cat tuna bowls there, he naturally helped himself. Seeing him eat and keep an eye on the doves that nest in the tree, we thought of it as dinner and a show.
Meanwhile, Target and Tic Tac continued to have their bowls on the floor. Each has their own, but they eat a few bites and switch. Like civilised cats, they share.
As Inkie’s idea of sharing is to gulp his tuna and then hijack someone else’s bowl, we considered the separation a positive step.
More for Inkie
A quick elbow shoved Tic Tac out of the way. Then, in a sly smooth move, Inkie crouched over her bowl, and pushed his face into Target’s bowl.
Our old orange moved to Tic Tac’s bowl and found the tuxie belly blocking him.
Tic Tac shrugged and went to eat biscuits but Target wanted his tuna. Being a nice boy, he assumed Inkie had made a mistake. He pushed Inkie’s shoulder politely, asking him to move. Naughty Inkie just ate faster.
Finding his friend unresponsive, Target was flabbergasted.
You’d think the two deprived cats might raid Inkie’s bowl. However, Target is well past 18 and can’t jump up high anymore. Tic Tac can but she’s not greedy about tuna.
Inkie was triumphant. He scoffed Target’s tuna and then started on Tic Tac’s. When we saw what was going on, we put a stop to it. We pushed Inkie away, presented Target and Tic Tac with more tuna and kept watch.
But Inkie is persistent. Ever since that initial success, we’ve had to monitor. The second we turn our backs, he’ll bully his friends.
Frustrated, Inkie turned his sights on other opportunities: Target’s super special sofa tuna.
As Target is an old boy, he has meals delivered in evening when we’re downstairs to watch TV.
Our orange loves it. When he hears us finish work, he sits up, stretches, and washes. Should we be slow, he meows imperiously, convinced it makes the food come faster.
Tic Tac and Inkie are wildly jealous.
When we present the sofa tuna, the two young ones watch with envy. They know we interfere if they try to steal, so they are forced to be good.
Target has a touch of evil, so he eats super slowly and pretends he can’t see them.
Our princess dances with impatience. She purrs, drools and makes it known in every way possible that she is famished.
Tic Tac will eventually push her nose into the bowl, snagging a bite, and often securing a kiss too because Target loves her.
Waiting to eat
If it were just those two, there would no jealousy. But both Target and Tic Tac are fully aware that Inkie is watching with increasing impatience.
With this track record as a glutton, Inkie gets his share only once Target is done. There’s always enough, but waiting drives him batty.
In short, sofa tuna is a hot button topic. What the cats don’t realise is that we’re leveraging jealousy for our own ends.
Like all old cats, Target has days when he’s not hungry. Believing he has privileges is the sauce that spikes his appetite.
Also, all three are picky eaters. They only like two types of tuna and it’s the gourmet import from a specialist supplier.
In the past, they’ve gone off brands that tinkered with the formula. They’ve even gone off brands that haven’t tinkered with the formula. We don’t want to risk that kind of drama.
Hotly divisive sofa tuna keeps them all eating.
Given all the times the cats have pulled one over on us, it’s nice to finally win one.
